Why Did I Decide to Pursue a PhD?

This question could lead into a long monologue about my research, a more analytical reflection on the pros and cons of postgraduate studies, and sometimes it's just a sigh of frustration when faced with the challenges of a PhD project. I started my own PhD research last fall, but I've already had time to ponder this question from all these angles. I want to share some of these thoughts ja tell you why I decided to pursue a PhD, and what kind of an experience it has so far been.

I had thought about doing a PhD many times during my previous studies, but it was never a self-evident goal for me. Only when I found a suitable topic for my research did I make the decision. While writing my master's thesis I found Roman insults fascinating, and I also realized that doing independent research suited me. I could imagine spending a few years researching this topic. And that is the scale of a PhD, a really big master's thesis.

In Pompeii in the fall of 2019

I did consider other options such as teaching but doing a PhD seemed like the best alternative right now. Taking part in a symposium on Pompeii in Italy in the fall of 2019 also inspired me to take up my own research. A research project that I took part in at the Finnish Institute in Rome in the spring of 2020 was positive experience and further confirmed my decision.

Even though I was eager to begin my own research, I knew there many challenges ahead. First, I needed to write a research plan that was feasible and possible to execute, in order to apply to a doctoral program at my university. I thought I should build on my master's thesis on Pompeian graffiti, and decided to include the poems of Martial and expand from insults to stereotypes. I spent about half a year reading literature and wrote a few versions of my research plan before I applied. I was accepted in a PhD program at the University of Turku in the spring of 2020 and began my doctoral studies last fall.

Another challenge has been acquiring funding for my research so that I wouldn't have to have another job on the side. Many foundations and universities provide full-time funding for PhD research. The number of applicants, however, is large and only a small percentage of them receive funding. I've written over a dozen applications in the past year and most of them have been unsuccessful. I've received two short term grants that have lasted a couple months, and I've continued to teach Latin. I was very fortunate when I finally received a twelve-month-long fellowship at the Finnish Institute in Rome. I get to do my research in Rome for a year starting next September. I need to keep writing applications, however, to get funding for the following years too.

I'm still learning the everyday routines of research. Undergraduate studies were more structured and had clearer requirements. Doctoral studies are more independent and require self-discipline and more careful time management. It's good to have some course work as it's nice counterbalance to my own research. I've been taking classes in communication, research skills, Italian and paleography among others.

Some tea and Martial

The corona pandemic has brought with it more changes as most of the work and research now happens at home. My day usually starts when I move from the kitchen to the living room couch to read. A positive side is that I'm free to schedule my days. I often work later in the day or in the evening, and I take long breaks in between sessions to go outdoors or run errands.

What counts as working hours is sometimes difficult to define. Are you doing research only when you're actively working with your sources for example reading and writing? Or does the mental process that happens while you're cooking or doing housework also count? How about discussions with friends and colleagues? (There are way too few of these nowadays!) There are many things that benefit your research that are impossible to measure and write down in your calendar.

This flexibility and freedom is one of the best aspects of doing research. I can decide whether to read an interesting article or to listen to an online lecture on Pompeii for instance. At times, though, you have to take up that book you've been putting off, even though you'd much rather delve into Martial's poems.

There have been moments when I've been wondering why I decided to do a PhD, when it's difficult to grasp the point of my research, when the amount of work seems endless, when motivation is low, and when funding applications get rejected one by one. Doing research in the middle of this pandemic often feels lonely as well. Fortunately, these moments are pretty rare. Other doctoral students, colleagues and my supervisors have been a great help. Online meetings and social media have also become important and regular support networks.

On the whole I find doing research rewarding, and I consider myself privileged when I can spend most of my time studying ancient obscenities. What's more, someone is willing to pay me for doing this. On the other hand, this means that I'm expected to produce results. Fortunately, I still have a couple years to complete my research. And when the work seems too challenging and I set too difficult goals, I remind myself of Martial's attitude towards his own work:

Sunt bona, sunt quaedam mediocria, sunt mala plura quae legis hic: aliter non fit, Avite, liber.

There are good things that you read here, and some indifferent, and more bad. Not otherwise, Avitus, is a book made. (Mart. 1.16)

You don't have to master everything at once and everything doesn't have to be perfect in the end. Doctoral studies are about learning to do research. Learning new things, challenging myself and the new opportunities that research offers are the most important reasons why I decided to do a PhD.

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This text was originally written in Finnish for the magazine Caligula published by Palladion, the student association in Classics at the University of Turku.

Text and translation of Martial 1.16: D. R. Shackleton Bailey Martial: Epigrams, Loeb Classical Library, Harvard University Press, 1993.